Leading Boldly When You Feel Inadequate
I want to pretend I have my life all together.
I want to present a perfect, beautiful life.
I want to show the world a young woman who never struggles with doubts, insecurities, or feelings of inadequacy.
That is what I would like to write about. But it would be a lie.
Over the past two weeks, I have been reminded I am not perfect, will never be perfect, and do not need to pretend I am perfect.
There have been so many moments over the past couple of weeks when the lies felt loud, and real, and overwhelming.
In my room. In the car. At the grocery store. In the coffee shop.
“You are not doing enough. Because YOU are not enough.”
“Your life is not distinct enough, how can you inspire other people to live a distinct life?”
“Give up on leading. Because who you are right now is definitely not enough.”
We all have those lies that seem to come back to hurt us time after time after time.
For me, it’s the lie that I will never be ENOUGH.
Enough to lead. Enough to be God’s vessel. Enough to be worthy of anyone’s trust or love.
Vulnerability often seems to be the furthest thing from my mind. After all, if I am vulnerable with my struggles, then I surely won’t be enough.
But, a few nights ago, a friend looked me in the eyes and told me, “These are lies Hannah. The enemy is targeting the very parts of you that God is using to make a difference in the world. Don’t believe these claims. They are lies.”
And I felt freedom. I felt released.
When I look over my Instagram feed, my blog posts, and my videos I realize it can look like I have my life all under control. But I don’t and I don’t want to pretend that I do.
Choosing to live a distinct life does not ensure we will never struggle, or doubt, or have insecurities. It DOES mean that, despite the struggles, we continue to live a life for the glory of the only ONE who deserves the glory, worship, and adoration.
We are on this earth to make God look as great as He is, not to make ourselves look great.
We are human. We will fail, we will make mistakes, we will disappoint the people around us.
But when we do, Jesus is right there. He is not looking down at us. Rather, He stoops down into the dirt and dust and filth and takes our hand and lifts our chin. Then, He calls us to get up and live our story.
A beautiful story is not one in which the main character never fails.A beautiful story is one in which the character continues on in spite of failure, defeat, and regret. It is in these moments when we discover what kind of story we will write with our lives.
I have decided I will no longer be afraid to be vulnerable and I have decided I will surrender my need to be “enough” in the eyes of the world. Rather, I will live a beautiful story of one, flawed, inadequate person chasing after Jesus and I will watch Him redeem me and set me free to enjoy Him forever.
I may never be enough in the eyes of the world. But that’s ok. I have a God who sees me as His beautiful, redeemed, tenacious, perfect daughter whom He has called to do His work on this earth.
In that calling I will live boldly, bravely, and courageously.